Bravery and my Grandma

I found this:

"Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me." He added, after a pause, looking me full in the face: "That is the way all men should live, and then all would be equally brave"- Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson

over here and began thinking...how true that is. As I start into the new year, I am met with the need for bravery as I contemplate the coming of my grandmother's death. Lately I have been strangely detached from the situation, after years of being thrust into the middle of it. At present she resides in a nursing home, and is slowly spiraling downward as do all Alzheimer's victims.

Once I pulled myself away and forced myself to deal with the guilt of not being there, then came the time when she most needed (and needs) me. So, dear readers, my main goal for 2012 is to spend even a tiny bit of time with her each day. She once was my life, my friend, my confidante, and my shopping buddy.

We began shopping when I was just a tiny girl, "shopping" for "groceries" in the yard, to prepare on my tiny dishes....

Like these "wild strawberries" to play with and not eat!

I accompanied her every other Friday to Kroger's for grocery shopping, and I still use the same pattern through the store that she did.

Grandpa would drop us off at Pittman Plaza on his way to work and we would shop, eat at the S&W cafeteria, shop some more, then walk home.

Pittman Plaza 1950's

She sang...she danced...she taught me about flowers and beauty,

lipstick and hairbrushes, roses and petunias.

She would get on her hands and knees to scrub the front porch for us so we could play with our baby dolls and Barbie dolls there, hidden from the street by her Nandina hedge. Such a nice, cool place to play on a hot summer day!

Grandma had the best dress up dresses, the coolest bedrooms in the upstairs, with the windows thrown open and the curtains stirring in the wind, we watched thunderstorms pass, played cards, watched crazy movies on late night TV like Godzilla, ate peanut butter and Ritz crackers and popsicles. We didn't know how special those times were until we grew up, I wish we had them back. I love you grandma and I am trying to make it back to you before it's too late.

Love,

Leesha